So another Monday morning comes to lifeagain as the sun rises from the east. There is something magical in that days’ early light, almost a clarity in it that gives a crisper depth into the dimensions that were just covered in shadows less than a minute before. Ahh…how I cherish these mere, literally moments that we get sometimes…Those mornings when the sun starts breaking away at the night and we see a perfect balance in dark and light. Across the sky you see the Milky Way dancing with in and out of the stars. Not even realizing that somewhere there, lost deep in thought, that all time seemed to have stopped until the sound of the phone snaps you back. RING! RING! ‘Incoming call from seven zero two ###-####’ announces to you loudly. RING! RING! Instead of answering the phone you can’t stop but think to yourself how you can remember when you were younger and you’d actually have to pick the phone up and read who was calling you. Now you don’t even have to do that because the phone has already told you who was calling. RING! RING! You press the ringer down button once and try to remember what you were so deep into thought about just a few prior minutes ago. *Pause while thinking* Damn! Now your thoughts are everywhere! No way are you going to remember what it was that you were thinking about. Decide to let that thought go for a while. Besides you have things you need to do. It is Monday after all and the magic of the early morning has began to slip away. Already close to ten a.m. and before you know it you will be sitting down for lunch. Jeez!!! Where has the morning gone you think and why is it that the inspiring times of the day just fly while other times seem to last an eternity.
It’s in those inspiring times where time almost sits still for you for awhile I’ve noticed that I keep trying to fill my days with now that I’ve gotten older. A wiser philosophy I’ve adopted somewhere in my new ‘mid-life’ status without consciously being aware that I have taken it on. So I start to question myself, and this is a talent I’ve always been good at accomplishing! LOL! ‘Can I be allowed to kill time when I see so many that don’t have any time to kill?’
Doesn’t that come off as not being fair.
‘Fair!’ I start arguing with myself, ‘is it fair to allow the time to kill me!?’
I know, I told myself the same thing, doesn’t time eventually kill everyone! Of course it does. Everyone knows that!
‘So what is your issue with that?’ I ask myself, ‘what is so special about you!?’
Ah, ugh, ah! Ahh well you got me there! There’s nothing special about me. Honestly there’s not even much I like about me let alone find anything I’d call special in myself.
‘Well than, why are you so worried about this time issue so much?’ I hear from a voice, this question, from somewhere in the back of my head in which I answered, ‘I don’t know, I just, I just worry!’ Followed by a sigh as I drop my head and lower my gaze onto the floor.
Ok. So now I feel a little awkward being that I just shared that outloud! Or am I not the only one who has had these little internal debates happen inside themselves? Guess I wouldn’t know…can’t know what another person is thinking. Only what they express verbally or physically. You’d have to be able to hear and see what another is trying to express about themselves. Right?
Well actually, no. Maybe with just our learnt senses. But don’t we also have a senseofcompassion that would come into play here? We couldn’t of evolved through to our current generation without keeping that important sense for survival.
After all for a society to function correctly or even humanely we have learned things like, patience doesn’t exist without understanding as understanding would not exist without patience. Another example would be, in order to serve justice you must know mercy as you can’t show mercy without also justice. We all know this. We know it works and we know how far that logic goes. And tho this is something we all probably believe, we all may not have seen that it’s been slowly slipping away over the decades.
Is there someone to blame for this?
No! I hope not anyways! LOL! I am not putting that blame on anyone as I’d hope you do not blame me(rather you agree with my thoughts or not). I’ve never thought much about it until recently to tell you the truth. I didn’t give our future a whole lotta thought. Except that there’d be flying cars and we’d be living as like the Jetsons. But probably because I was always waiting for the future. Waiting while I worked and saved so that when the future gets here I’d be ready to capitalize on that chance.
Than I woke up!
Than I woke one day and I couldn’t get myself to buy into the bullshit. Couldn’t get past the thought that if I’m barely surviving right now, how is that going to serve me in my future. Am I suppose to keep on living the same exact life and think that when time passes and I find myself twenty years older that everything would just automatically be glorious?! It’s like the old saying, how do you expect me to laugh tomorrow when I can’t even smile today.
So in closing…
Well what started this morning with these words has gotten me through now all the way into the afternoon. And to tell you the truth, I didn’t even share what I first intended to with this entree but feel pretty happy with how it was sounding in my head anyways. I’ll have to read it once I have some time after I post it and share with, well with whoever may be reading this at the moment. I’d like to circle back to the killing the time opposed to time to kill I was talking bout earlier if you don’t mind…I think I meant that it is up to us, each individual in our own ways, to find a way to kill what we consider time. And by killing it, it is to do something productive for your well being at the present moment. Like as in right now! Do what makes you happy! Do what you love! Go out and find where your passion is hiding in life! Just do it now! Don’t want to make it all the way through life to only wish you had more time to live! That time is NOW! Your time is the most valued precious gift we were given! Make your time count here while on earth by valuing every minute of it!
And remember that we don’t have time to kill but you can choose how you kill your time!
Hope you enjoyed reading a little bit about my thoughts on life as a GenerationX’er coming to terms with this bitch we call middle aged! And yes I’m aware that that just made me sound as I’m getting old, but you know what, I’m okay with that! Please leave me a comment if you enjoyed or would like to add any of your thoughts on this matter. I’d truly appreciate it.
Hope, Faith and Love to you all!